The following is an exclusive Fore Right transcript from the PGA Tour's new How Come I Still Stink Since Knee Surgery? support group.
Len Mattiace: First let's go around, introduce ourselves, and say what brought us here today...
Brad: Hi, my name is Brad, and I have yet to win a golf tournament since my ACL surgery 4 years ago.
Vijay: My name is Vijay, and since my knee surgery, I haven't even had a top-10. And I won the FedEx Cup. (off blank stares) The FedEx Cup! (still nothing) Oh forget it.
Ernie: Hi, my name is Ernie and since I blew out my knee water tubing, I actually have won a PGA event... (scattered applause) ...but it was only the Honda Classic.
Len: Now I'm sure this was a tough week for most of you because of Tiger's win.
Vijay: I don't want to talk about it.
Len: But we have to talk about it, Vijay. That's why we're here. This is a safe place.
Ernie: I'll talk. It's just not fair. I should have won that tournament. I should have been the one shaking Arnie's hand.
Vijay: But you didn't even enter it.
Ernie: What's the point? So I can finish 10 shots out of the lead and be done with my round before Mr. Wonderful even tees off?
Brad: Can I say something?
Len: Yes, Brad, go ahead.
Brad: Ernie, you should really focus on your short game. Hard to beat a hot putter, that's what I always say.
Ernie: Really? And just where did you finish last week, Brad?
Ernie: We're doomed...
Len: Now, now...
Vijay: Hey, I just realized, the last time Ernie won a major, Rory McIlroy was only 13.
Ernie: Stop it.
Vijay: Danny Lee was 11.
Ernie: I'm serious.
Vijay: Just saying, maybe next time you'll think twice before letting a boat pull you around in an innertube at 40mph.
Ernie: That's it!
Ernie lunges across the table as Vijay reaches for his Swing Stick.
Ernie: Not my knee!
Vijay: Mine too! And back.
They wrestle each other to the ground.
Len: So same time next week work for everybody?
Brad: It will just be me next week. The other guys are going to Augusta.
Len: That's no way to think -- maybe you'll win the Shell Houston Open this week...
Vijay: (from under the table) Yeah, right!
Brad: You're going down, old man!
Brad jumps into the fray.