Sunday, July 19, 2009

BRITISH OPEN: Tom Watson's Inbox

During Saturday's post-round press conference, 54-hole leader Tom Watson confessed that he had been inundated with text messages from, well, "everybody." While he 59-year-old was sparring with pot bunkers and crosswinds, his cell phone was working overtime back at the Turnberry Hotel, even receiving the very first text message a certain Golden Bear had ever sent.

With the final round of the Open underway, FORE RIGHT has obtained access to what Watson's friends out there are saying as he attempts to make golf history. Enjoy.


From: Jack Nicklaus

Tom this iS Jack Nicklaus. I am seNding you a "text messAge" from Barbara's cellular telephone. Hope this works. Good luck tod&Ay. Jack.

From: Dr. Neils Brooks, OB/GYN, London
So what's it worth to you if I induce labor on Ross Fisher's wife? Just putting it out there...

From: Mitch Holberg, Agent
Yo Tommy -- Just got the specs on the Flomax deal. 7-figures, 2 years, and you don't have to film any commercials with you running into a port-o-potty. We in or out?

From: T. Woods
If nothing else, glad to see another T.W. out of Stanford on top. FYI, Matthew Goggin is highly allergic to peanuts. Drop a Snickers down his bag on #1 tee.

From: Jean Van de Velde
If you happen to be in the lead on the 72nd hole, grab your wedge, a ball, a putter and toss everything else into the Firth of Clyde.

From: T-Mobile Customer Service
Dear Mr. Watson. This text is to inform you that your phone is not currently set up with an international calling plan and as a result, you are being charged roaming fees for every text sent and opened. Your July bill currently stands at $139,752.

From: Sandy Lyle
Just wanted to let you know that Monty's a cheating bastard. Haven't been following the Open. You make the cut?

From: Steve McPherson, President ABC
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

From: Gary Player

I know you think you're hot stuff because you might tie me today with 9 majors, but I just ran a half-marathon and followed it up with some antelope wrestling. I say bring it, pansy..

From: Mitch Holberg, Agent
Tommy Boy -- Be honest, how much do you really like Adams clubs?

From: Steve Williams
Watson -- U in the market for a new looper? My guy's leaking oil fast and I'd like a player with some good years ahead of him.

From: Jack Nicklaus
Tom, Jack Nicklaus hereE. Not sure if my previOus message sent via Barbara's phone went thru. I didn't get a confORmation,,, the phone just made a "WHOOSH" sound as the message disappeared. ?? Anyway, good luck my friend. (This is Jack Nicklaus.)

From: Mitch Holberg, Agent
Any desire to be LPGA Commissioner? Just think about it.

From: Frank Lickliter II
For the record, I'm currently leading the U.S. Bank Championship in Milwaukee. It's a PGA Tour event and there are many golfers you're vaguely familiar with playing in it. Just thought someone should know.

From: Harry Vardon
To answer your first question, yes, there is golf in heaven. And, obviously, text messaging. Just want to say that you may very well tie me with 6 Open titles today, but I don't consider any majors valid if they weren't won while wearing a three-piece suit.

From: Old Tom Morris
Ignore Vardon. Majors won in ugly sweaters should definitely count, especially at age 59. Hell, when I played, most golfers your age were already dead.

From: Greg Norman
I consider my thunder officially stolen.

2 comments:

-The Matt said...

this is hysterical!

Anonymous said...

The Nicklaus messages are beautiful. I can picture him hammering on the cell and mumbling.